Kayla
Today… today… my heart is heavy. Today I feel the walls of despair closing around me.
Today, I am helpless.
Today, I am a child again, whimpering in a corner, sucking my thumb, eyes shut tight, tears streaming down my face and praying… praying hard that when I open my eyes, all will be well. You will still be here, and there will be light in my life.
The soft music wafts through my memory, a sensual lilting diminuendo that only you could play. I walk in from the courtyard, and you’re seated at the piano, eyes closed, swaying slowly to the sad slow melody. You look so beautiful, Kayla. I watch you for hours as you play, lost in your world.
You are wearing that dress that I loved so much. White, with faint floral patterns. I loved the way it loosely hugged your body, and then flared and pleated and swayed and swirled around your feet. And when we danced, Kayla, when we danced… when I held you close and you looked into my eyes…
The music has stopped. The silence snaps me out of my memories. You’re looking at me and smiling. That heartbreaking smile that makes me fall in love with you again and again and again. You walk towards me and kiss me slowly and lightly on the lips, and then you hold me close… and that… is all that matters to me. You and I, right here, right now. The world ceases to exist around us.
Kayla.
I once stood tall, proud and regal. Confident in my own strength, in my own wisdom. I had never been the weak type. I never backed down, never swayed, never ever felt fear. I felt pain, grit my teeth and never showed it. I worked long and hard, and the world put me on a pedestal. Heck, I put myself on the pedestal.
I was strong, and proud, and vain.
Until I met you, Kayla, and fell. Hard.
I feel the soft caress of the wind on my face, and it reminds me of you. I’m standing knee deep in grass. I haven’t been here in ages.
I can still hear your lilting musical laugh. I can still see you running through the flowers. I can still see you on the swing, watching the sun set, at peace with the world. I can still feel your arms around me.
I walk a few steps forward and fall to my knees, fighting back the tears and then I crumble to pieces, broken, shattered. I am that little whimpering boy again.
I wipe away the dirt and stones and dust off the cracked slab in the clearing, and as the tears finally start flowing down my face, my fingers run lightly over the word on the slab of stone.
Kayla.
***
I love movie soundtracks. I collect them like a contagious disease. They are filled with so much emotion, so much meaning, so much purpose. One song can transport you a million miles away, to an alternate reality, to a place where nothing exists but you and your millions of fragmented memories. To a place where your imagination runs free, like a stallion on the wild savannah grasslands.
Kayla does that to me. It’s from the X-Men Origins: Wolverine soundtrack.
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19 Responses to “Kayla”
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Nev on October 6th, 2009
Okay, been long since i got some rogue socks. Wolverine socks!!
Phe Wall on October 6th, 2009
Beautiful, profound….
This has got me pinning to write again.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Please post more!!!!
Solomon King on October 6th, 2009
Thank you Phe. And it’s good to have you here. Regards to Mr. Wall!
yz on October 6th, 2009
Soundtracks are free from the soul selling aspect of the music industry me thinks, allows the artists to go beyond…i love them. My favorite soundtracks are tied the lion, the witch & the wardrobe and the LOTR soundtrack.
Solomon King on October 6th, 2009
I agree. It’s amazing how much a wordless composition can have so much sentiment in it. I have way too many soundtrack albums I love, but for individual songs, it’s a tie between, “Now We Are Free” from Gladiator and “Into the West” from Lord of the Rings. Both are end-themes / movie credit themes.
Beautiful stuff!
jake on October 6th, 2009
geee, you had me going for a minute there rouge king.
Solomon King on October 6th, 2009
LOL, Jake, you’re just so gullible.
Safyre on October 6th, 2009
I never thought you’d be the mushy type!
You almost got me there..
Solomon King on October 6th, 2009
Aaaah… then you haven’t been reading my blogs long enough
L.A. Lutara on October 6th, 2009
Welcome to heartbreak!
beautiful peice. poignant and full of emotion. Love that song…too bad the movie it came from didnt equally deliver…
Solomon King on October 6th, 2009
Thank you, Lutara. The movie wasn’t too shabby, in my opinion. About 6.5/10.
And welcome to my little corner.
Sleek on October 6th, 2009
dude, i thought you had crossed over to the dark side…(sigh)..another day
Solomon King on October 7th, 2009
Aaah my good man, the dark side is a gradual process. Ask Anakin.
tumwijuke on October 7th, 2009
Young love gives me a headache.
Solomon King on October 7th, 2009
Good for you Tumwi, let the young ones love, will ya?
hot-sleeker on October 12th, 2009
King – what is all this crap about?
Solomon King on October 12th, 2009
It’s about a music soundtrack. DUH.
hot-sleeker on October 14th, 2009
There’s music to listen to because of the ‘beat’*with no lyrics to spoil the mood. Now, that is music you dont want to be listening to. I bet, your are madly in love…
But that is a fantsy, join the real world. Its real and fun with no jigglings,jigglings…
I see you!
Josh on November 13th, 2009
Oh yes! I also love soundtracks. They are better than “normal” music. I always play movies pakalast drop coz sometimes the best is at the end.