how do you deal with failure?
Related post over at 2 W.E.A.K Dudes.
A few months back, our 15 year old family restaurant ran bankrupt. The reasons are many. We suffered three consecutive breakins that wiped us out. My step ma had just passed away, so all records were frozen, meaning the banks couldn’t loan us money, and Africa being what it is, the relatives were bickering over how to proceed while failing to proceed.
But the bottom line, for me, is that I was in charge, no one else. Granted, I tried everything, and failed to keep the restaurants running. Now, you might argue that it was meant to be, or *ish happens, or it wa’ant my fault, but the truth is, I was in charge, and I failed.
It’s going to be a very painful failure for me. Especially seeing how long it had been in business, and how much it meant to the future of my now orphaned siblings.
I’ve had very many failures in life, and they have made me stronger, and when I pick myself up and dust myself off, and take the next step, I know I’m a wiser, more mature person, and I will learn from that experience. Some take ages to get over, some I’m still recovering from.
I’ll give you a couple of examples of my spectacular failures:
- The restaurant mentioned above.
- My A levels. Damn that was painful.
- The relationship with my father.
- NVGOR8. Very long story.
- The million and one customers who’ve been dissatisfied with our work at Node Six and Elemental Edge.
- The time when some really good people have left either Node Six or Elemental Edge.
- Every single time I fail to pay salaries or rent. They might seem petty, but when it builds up…
- My relationship with God. I know it’s His grace, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling so useless.
There are many more, but some I can’t share just yet.
Everyday, I am reminded of the things that have gone wrong, and every other day, I face a situation which I can handle successfully simply because of my experience. Because I learnt what to avoid in order not to fall.
The magical moment, is when you realise you’ve just had a major screw up and the walls are going to come crashing down. The storm is going to hit like no man bidness.
Here are a couple of questions for you, faithful readers:
1. At that precise moment that you fail, how do you deal with your failure?
2. What would you do if you lost everything you had, owned or cared about?
23 Responses to “how do you deal with failure?”
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eddsla on October 31st, 2008
Learn from those failures and try again
See where exactly you went wrong and try to make better.
Just keep trying and you’ll be surprise at the out come later..
sorry to hear bout whhat yo going thru men, hope evrythin gets beta
Two W.E.A.K Dudes » Blog Archive » embracing my fears on October 31st, 2008
[...] Almost posted this over at Rogue King, but figured it would be more appropriate here. Although, I still put up a related post. [...]
Miss Cheri on October 31st, 2008
These socks are dedicated to B2B for Alek Wek.
Yes, Eddsla, I see u!
Solomon, it’s part of the mental growth u have to go thru.
Work on the relationships with God and your pa.
Damn, this is a painful post.
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..Being Superwoman
Mudamuli on October 31st, 2008
You are not alone.
To this day, I still feel pain when I remember how I had to go back 2 classes (from standard
after we came back from Kenya and had to be in the same class with my younger sis.
As if that was not enough, I got a 6 for my PLE when everyone was sure I was going to get a 4. Then my sis got a 5.
I failed A level. I went for a Dip. in Secretarial Science. Refused to listen to my Dad’s plea for me to go to uni. When I finally decided I would go, he passed away.
Then I had to drop out of MUBS after 1 year because I couldn’t afford the fees. Very painful.
Mudamuli on October 31st, 2008
* standard 8 not a smiley
Miss Cheri on October 31st, 2008
Damn Mudamuli. So sad. Good thing is y’all still have the power of prayer behind y’all.
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..Being Superwoman
smelling the coffee on October 31st, 2008
you hold on to what you still have, let go of what you can’t have. and you hang in there. the eye of that storm passes sooner than later.
been there, then you hold on tight to God; he’s what you’ll always have.
understanding comes after.
smelling the coffee’s last blog post..what i’ve been upto
Mr. B2B... on October 31st, 2008
Dawg
wouldn’t want to say this, but hey
we’re still young, and this is the ONLY TIME for failure, coz after that it gets slightly easier for a little while…
a prayer or two with someone who understands what drama you are going through will surely help…
allow yourself to be overwhelmed coz hey, you are HUMAN and only from failure can one progress…
glad that you can let some of it out, that is a step of sorts….
in the right direction…
too bad the relatives are just that…
Mr. B2B…’s last blog post..~knowing~understanding~agreeing~
Solomon King on October 31st, 2008
@ Eddsla, failing to continue is continuing to fail. There is strength in determination.
@Sherry darl, lol, this socks bidness… lol, the relationship with my pa cannot be worked on
dude moved on to the next life
@Mudamuli, thanks for sharing. That’s some pretty painful stuff you had to go through. I’m glad you’ve overcome it to an extent.
@Ms Caffeine, words of wisdom. and yes, the storm does pass. What counts is how long you hold on for.
@b2b, dawg, didn’t know you had such gems of wisdom in you, lol. I like the part about allowing yourself to be overwhelmed. It’s like gracefully bowing to the situation instead of fighting against what you cannot change.
Deep.
Miss Cheri on October 31st, 2008
Damn…so soory…now I feel silly for saying that.
Listen to B2B…
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..Being Superwoman
Miss Cheri on October 31st, 2008
Sorry* Tried to edit but I had like 10 seconds.
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..Being Superwoman
Solomon King on October 31st, 2008
lol, Cheri, relax, no stress.
val on November 1st, 2008
You are honest with yourself..
Sorry you didnt get to mend ur r/ship with your dad before he passed…But I’m sure he loved u..
As for relatives..I have seen the squabbling ur talking about in my family…..even till now..
why don’t you look for a prayer partner..my mum swears (okie not literally) by one..she says thats what gets her thru some of the hard times…
val’s last blog post..Gifts
Teti on November 1st, 2008
Failure? You bitch. You scream. You cry [or get high].
You deny, you find excuses.
And then you accept.
When you have accepted the failure, you can move on.
And then work your darnest to do better the next time.
*Sorry about what you’ve had to deal with.
Teti’s last blog post..The Rationale of Self-interest
Emi's on November 1st, 2008
I know Shit Happens!! It has to me several times and If am faced with a roadblock (can’t get up). I can take even up to a whole week or more of seclusion with lots of meditation and prayer. This always some how works -Look at it as kinda wishing away your problems but more complicated than that.
B2b had some wise words Indeed. Like the mother bed bug told her son as hot water was being poured on their home “No situation is permanent, The hot water will cool just don’t give up as yet.” and sorting out stuff with the big man up there does open up a wealth of happyness.
Also as a man, there are times when you see it wise to abandon some projects and move on to newer challenges. I just feel so sad[pained] seeing some people hold on so dearly to their failures and don’t want to let go.
Emi’s’s last blog post..Yaip
Mrs. B2B on November 1st, 2008
Sorry about all that. But at the end of the day we all fail at one point or another.
And what you do is pray, pray, pray and then pray some more. And while you are doing that, you Praise and Worship and be thankful to the good Lord for all He has done.
I was going through some serious drama about 2 months ago, work related and only by His grace did I get through it all… He is always faithful. He is our Provider.
Mrs. B2B on November 1st, 2008
Don’t only remember the failures because I am sure you have had loads of successes.
Jasmine on November 1st, 2008
its not how many times you fail, but how many times you rise again that matter. cliche but may it be real to you.
at the time i thought i had failed and totally messed my life up my dad told me “you will not succeed if you do not learn to fail now.” he told me i hadn’t yet seen real failure and i had better learn to fail real quick.
i have had many failures since. many my friend. but i have learned over the years to rise up and keep walking. Johnnie walker style, as my big bro says “Keep walking!”
keep walking my friend. walk with friends. walk with God. just keep putting one foot infront of another.
i dont know what to say.
thank you for sharing this.
ps:
you are DK? and the Rogue King? and Nodesix? UBER COOL dude!
Solomon King on November 2nd, 2008
First of all, WOW. Your responses have been absolutely amazing! It’s rare for almost everyone to give comments that are practically mini-posts. Thank you all for your responses and encouragement.
@Cheri, don’t stress yourself, aight? You had the best intents
@Val, I do have a prayer partner. Rather, she prays for me, coz God n I have our beef lol. Relatives can be an annoying pain in the wrong place.
@Teti, I guess the true test of the person in you comes when you accept. Screaming, bitching, etc are just reflexes.
@Emi’s, *ish happens indeed. LOL@ the bedbug story. And yeah, failing to move on or failing to accept the failure is often worse than the failure itself.
@I’m glad you got through your drama. And yes, prayer does work. It’s almost like a surrender of ourselves to some one who knows us and the situation better than anything. And I am thankful for my successes every day.
@Jasmine, hey bud, welcome. This is like the first time you’ve commented here. Yes, I am all those awesome cool people. LOL. I told someone else that they haven’t lived until they’ve seen real failure, but that is when our true spirits come to life. I’m glad you’re also rising above your situation.
And yes, to Jas, and all you awesome guys;
Keep Walking!
Miss Cheri on November 2nd, 2008
Keep wanking?
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..The musicians and music we adore…
Miss Cheri on November 2nd, 2008
Sorry, my bad.
Miss Cheri’s last blog post..The musicians and music we adore…
wilbroad on November 3rd, 2008
my response to this post can be summarised in 2 points.
1.Take responsibility for the missed opportunity or the misrepresentation. Learn from the fact that even though you made the best presentation possible, your client wanted it a different way. Be prepared for the letdowns that happen every so often. Know that this lost opportunity just set you up to take advantage of the next one.
2. Remind yourself that you’re bound to get better. Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s the next opportunity that matters, not the last one. The last one matters only in that you must learn from your mistakes. But the next one gives you the opportunity to show that you have learned from your mistakes.
More here
http://www.nightingale.com/Newsletters/333.aspx
The Rogue King » a little perspective - dance, like no one is watching you on January 11th, 2009
[...] what I believed to be a darn good measure of success. But towards the end of last year, during my days at the family home, I resolved to refuse to let it [...]