I passed the halfway point of my Asylum two days ago. And on that day, a close friend asked me if I was also halfway with what I had set out to do.
My answer? Yes and no.
It’s been a painfully exhilirating 45 days. I’ve shut out and thrown out lots of things that I deemed unneccesary from my life. Some as a proof to myself that I am not addicted to those things and others as a refusal to conform to weaker and lower standards and expectations of myself. I have made huge progress in some areas, much more than I expected. And in others, I have made pathetic progress.
But what counts is that I am halfway the journey. And now that the pain is wearing off, now that I am comfortable with the journey itself, its highs and lows have evened out into something much better than I expected. And I am starting to enjoy the journey immensely, despite the fact that I know that the next phase is going to be be harder than anything I have done before, which means that this moment of peace is essentially as short-lived as it is useless.
It is a beautiful view from here, this temporal chasm, where the infinite stretches out in all directions. And I like it enough that 90 days now seems small and petty. Perhaps I will push it to 120 or 150. Who knows…
Only time will tell.
The bottom line is, will this pay off? Will it eventually be worth it in the end? I don’t know. I’m just going with what I believe is the right thing for me to do right here, right now.
PS: Forgive the ambiguity of these Asylum posts. The details of what is going on are far too many and too intricate to even bother with a proper explanation. But hopefully, after I am done, the results will speak for themselves. If not.. oh well.
Happiness is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
It comes and sits softly on your shoulder.
- Henry David Thoreau