what is your deepest fear, young man?
28 Oct
Come. Let’s sit down and have a brutally honest heart to heart. What I’m about to say… well, it’s going to hurt.
“What is your deepest fear, young man?”
There comes a time in a man’s life when he looks back at his achievements and hangs his head in shame. When he curls up in his bed and hopes to never wake up. When he realizes that the last odd years of his life have been pathetic and worthless. When he realizes, above all else, that he is a failure.
You were on the right path, but somewhere along the way, you fell. Hard. Really really hard. And the stupid thing? You liked it down there, wallowing in the mud. Thrashing uselessly like a pig in a pile of dung thinking you’re making progress. Yet all you’re doing is turning aimlessly in circles. Not moving one single inch, and yet drowning yourself in shit.
You watch your friends succeed. The very same people you were miles ahead of before you became paralyzed by stupidity, by impatience, by mediocrity, by apathy, by swag, by arrogance and by Godlessness. And now you’re at the back of the pack, limping uselessly, believing yourself to still be ahead of the game and yet seething with enough jealousy to melt their faces off.
Pure, absolute bollocks.
You’ve watched your life fall apart around you. You’ve watched yourself making some really really really stupid mistakes. And you have paid dearly.
“What is your deepest fear, young man?”
What happened to the bright-eyed child you were ten years ago, the child who was unconquerable? Who saw the world through the eyes of eternal optimism? What happened to hope? To a belief that you could change the world if you tried hard enough?
Everyday, you face the harsh reality of failure. The overwhelming stench of apathy. You look around and see broken dreams and unfulfilled promises. You see memoirs and notes from a lifetime ago. A lifetime of dreams, aspirations and hope. A time when the very essence of your existence could be summed up in a fear-inducing, spine-chilling battle cry. A battle-cry that you shouted each waking hour, a battle cry that sent a chill of fear through your enemy’s ranks.
Your battle cry has changed. Beaten, broken and battered, it has been reduced to a feeble whimper that mocks you. That makes you afraid to go out into the harsh world. A battle cry that makes you hide behind excuses, behind laziness, behind other people’s weakness. Weaknesses that make you look at your feeble half-hearted attempts and lie to yourself that you have succeeded.
You are hiding behind words, behind a ridiculous swagger, behind a pair of shades that tints your world to the exact hue that you want it o be. You’re hiding behind confessions of arrogance. Confessions of mediocrity, of doing things that are just good enough. You are dancing to a beat that everyone stopped listening to because it went out of fashion the moment they left the dance floor.
You’re hiding behind the status quo, thinking as long as the people around you are not doing any better, then you’re doing okay.
You’re hiding in a closet, thinking, wishing and praying, that if you could just concentrate hard enough, the world outside would change, and you would come out of your closet and find a world that works just for you. A world so finely attuned to your specific needs that everything just works the way you want it, no hassle.
What a load of bollocks.
And frankly, it’s disappointing you haven’t had enough of it.
“What is your deepest fear, young man?”
We all have moments in our lives, when we feel the forces of change brewing. When our very instincts tell us that the road we’re on is very very wrong. When a deep and clear voice gently, incessantly, urgently, compellingly whispers in our minds, our psyches, our spirits, our souls… and we feel the stirrings of hope, of change, and of courage rising from deep within ourselves.
We listen to the deep call of change for too long, and ignore it. Or we start, stumblingly, falteringly turning back to the right path, but too many times, we fall. And falteringly rise and fall again.
For how long will you ignore this voice? For how long will you continue to wallow in your misery? Making really lame excuses about the world and how things just never work out? When will you take a stand, stop your pathetic whining and take your own destiny in your hands?
When will you realise that the only thing holding you back, is you?
Yes. You.
Not God, not your friends, not your family, not your associates.
You.
***
“What is your deepest fear, young man?”
My deepest fear is this:
Waking up one day, many many years from now, and realizing that it is too late to do anything about my life. That I have misused the opportunities and the blessings that Abba granted me. That no matter how hard I try, there is nothing more I can do. That I have failed, utterly and completely. And I will have to face my mocking reflections in the mirror, and later, I will have to face my Father. And the only question on our minds will be:
“What have you done with your life, Solomon King?”
And I will hang my head in shame. For eternity.
—
Offtopic:
“What is your deepest fear, young man?”
- Coach Carter
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Socks!
My greatest fear is letting down all the people who believe in me so much, letting down my God and very critically, letting down myself when I know that I am the Apprentice and I was born for greatness.
My biggest fear is being BROKE. Off to work my ass off.
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I love this line.
My greatest fear. My greatest fear is failing as a mother. I can deal with my own ish, but I would never forgive myself for doing wrong my my daughter. It terrifies me that she may one day turn out ‘badly’ and that it will be my fault for not leading her to her true path.
Or worse, that she has watched me fumbling in my self-made-mess and turned out the same way because she ‘did what i did, not what I said.’
hmm, where did the line go? I meant I love the line that says “…behind a pair of shades that tints your world to the exact hue that you want it to be”. Beautifully put.
This is very deep. It speaks to me….
My deepest fear is that I do not even know what it is……
my deepest fear…waking up one day far from now, looking back and realizing that fear that I couldn’t stopped me from becoming everything I could… it’s why i try not to let my fear rule me!
my deepest fear is breaking free from the norm that is embodied in my parents…and what I will do with that new-found independence…Will I be accountable for it? Will I squander my time? Will I be generous with my love? my time?
In a nutshell, that’s my deepest fear.
This is deep Rouge, thank you
As much as i might sound young saying this…my greatest fear is disappointing my parents more than they i already have. .
i was thinking about this very same topic last night until around 2. i do not think i can put a finger on my deepest fear.
this is deep.
oh yes, i forgot,… BHH!! BHH!! BHH!! BHH!!
Deep stuff. Deeply relevant too.